Wait! I'm not done yet »

Where did all the grown ups go?

My father's dead. My uncle who raised me and would have come to visit me in a heartbeat, is dead. The ones that aren't are :

Vi. She was like a mother to me for nearly 30 years, most of that time she dated my father, now that he's gone, she's no longer acts as warm towards me as she once had.

My mother. She's in a nursing home, psychotic and out of touch with my reality, and,

my aunt who raised me. She's now 82 years old, totally absorbed in her own reality, and from what I observed quite frankly not very interested in what's going on in my life because there isn't a remote possibility that I will drop everything to move in and take care of her. She's often stated that she didn't understand why people didn't have children. "Who will take care of them when they're old?"

I have three women in my life who all claimed and handed-off maternal rights on me at some point in my life, yet, I have no one I can call Mamma and not feel dirty. But that's a discussion for another entry, some other time.

The answer to my question is: "I'm the grown up now."

... and a sadness washes over me.

« Okay, that's it.